This is our Old Forum (15 days Left)

Post your jokes here...

Intsik: Bili kayo panty. Kapag sinuot ito, hindi kayo mabubuntis.
Babae: Bigyan mo ako ng tatlo.
3 months later, galit si babae: Bakit ako nabuntis?
Intsik: Baka hinubad mo!

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GF: Hayop ka, niloloko mo ako!
BF: Bakit, wala naman akong ginagawa ah!
GF: Anong wala? Nakita kita kanina, may kasama kang ibang babae, magkahawak pa kamay nyo! Niloloko mo ako!
BF: Makinig ka muna... hindi kita niloloko, maniwala ka... Yung kasama ko kanina ang niloloko ko!

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Ifugao: Apply po ako ng sundalo, sir.
Officer: Hindi ka pwede, ang dami mong sirang ngipin, bungi ka pa!
Ifugao: Bakit sir, sa gyera ba ngayon, kagatan na ang labanan?

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A lizard fell on a table.
Genius: Oh! reptila scincidae;
Kikay: Eew, lizard!;
Astig: Shit, butiki!;
Mataray: Shucks, butiks!;
Mayaman: Yuck! Lacoste!;
Mahirap: Pare, ulam!

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Nanay: Hala, sige, layas! Huwag ka nang bumalik dito sa bahay! Simula ngayon, huwag mo na akong tawaging nanay at hindi na rin kita tatawaging anak, naintindihan mo?
Anak: Sige dude, alis na ako.

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A priest at a church.
Lady: Father, ang gwapo at cute mo naman! Bakit ka pa kasi nagpari?
Priest: Dahil ayaw pumayag ng magulang ko na magmadre ako! Bruha!

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Pedro: Alam mo, yung pusa namin, kahit nakalagay sa lamesa at walang takip ang ulam namin, hindi kinakain!
Juan: Maniwala ako?!
Pedro: Totoo!
Juan: Ano ba ang ulam nyo?
Pedro: Asin!

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Nurse: Miss, gising na!
Patient: Ah, bakit?
Nurse: Oras na ng pag-inom ng gamot.
Patient: Anong gamot?
Nurse: Sleeping pills.

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Ama: Bakit ka umiiyak?
Anak: Pumasa po kasi ako sa test. Huhuhu!
Ama: Aba, magaling! Anong subject yun, anak?
Anak: Pregnancy test po itay!

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Erap at Starbucks.
Erap: Waiter, isang kape nga!
Waiter: Sir, decaf ho ba?
Erap: Syempre! Bobo! Lahat ng kape, de cup! Bakit, may nakaplato ba?!

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Sa prusisyon.
Pari: Ang mga boys, sunod sa karo ni San Jose, mga girls, sa karo ni Mama Mary.
Bakla: Kami father, saan kami susunod?
Pari: Mga bruha! Follow me!

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Pedro: Ang tapang talaga ni Paeng! Biro mo, tumalon sa eroplano nang walang parachute!
Leo: Ohh, totoo? Saan mo naman nabalitaan yan?
Pedro: Dun sa burol nya!

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Anak: Inay, ang galing ng titser ko.
Inay: Bakit naman?
Anak: Tinuruan kami ng kagandahang asal.
Nanay: Eh di marunong ka nang gumalang at magpo at opo?
Anak: Natural! Tanga ka ba?

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Teacher: Use "Bampira" in a sentence!
Student: Ahmm, Dodong. Pautang naman, meron ka bampira?!

*************************************************************Rapunzel: Grabe! Biruin mo, 150,000 pesos daw, hot oil lang! 150,000 pesos ang rebonding! Sobra naman yang David's Salon na yan!

DAD:Anak,bili mo ko softdrinks
ANAK:coke o pepsi?
D:coke
A:regular o diet?
D:regular
A:bote o can?
D:bote
A:8oz o litro?
D:putik!tubig na nga lang!
A:natural o mineral?
D:hampasin kaya kita ng walis?
A:tambo o tingting
D:animal ka!
A:baka o baboy
D:Layas!
A:ngayon o bukas?
D:ngayon na!
A:hahatid mo ko o hindi?
D:patayin kaya kita?
A:sasaksakin o babarilin?
D:Babarilin!
A:sa ulo o sa tiyan?
D:peste!
A:ipis o daga?
D:Aaaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh!!!!

"" POPULATION POLICIES OF COUNTRIES ""

China : Stop at 1 child.

Singapore : Stop at 2 children

Phil: STOP AT 4 A.M.!

your mama is so fat. her belt is the equator.

1. Use BE COOL and I'LL BUY in a sentence.
...The tourist went to Mayon volcano
in I'LL BUY, BE COOL.

2. Use SCHOOLING in a sentence.
...(phone rings).....Hello? Who
SCHOOLING?

3. Use AFFECT in a sentence.
...Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond
ring.

4. Use ADIEU in a sentence.
...If you are ADIEU, the Arabs will kill
you.

5. Use DECANTER in a sentence.
...You can order that medicine over
DECANTER.

6. Use DELETION in a sentence.
...The balat of DELETION is crispy.

7. Use DESPISE in a sentence.
...Who baked all DESPISE?

8. Use DIFFERENT and DIFFERENTIAL in a
sentence.
...I am looking for DIFFERENT of this
boy to get DIFFERENTIAL
consent so he can go to the picnic.

AND NOW FOR THE FILIPINOS WHO CAN
READ
AND
UNDERSTAND TAGALOG:

9. Use BORROW in a sentence.
...Ang dumi naman ng BORROW mo.

10. Use CAESAREAN in a sentence.
...Lintek, anak, mag-ingat ka,
CAESAREAN mo iyang laruan mo.

11. Use CONTEMPLATE in a sentence.
...Pare, ang dami-daming pagkain,
pero, ko-CONTEMPLATE.

12. Use ARTESIA in a sentence (if you don't know
what this is, it's a
city [or street] at the L.A. COUNTY in
CALIFORNIA)
...Nako naman, ang ganda-ganda
nang bebot na yun, pero,
ma-ARTESIA.

13. Use CADET in a sentence.
...CADET ko si Maria nung isang gabi.
Ngayon, ikaw naman ang
CADET niya.

14. Use CARDIAC in a sentence.
...Na CARDIAC yung kotse ni Pedro
noong isang gabi.

15. Use CENTURION in a sentence.
...Na-CENTURION si Pedro ng tatay
niya dahil sa kalokohan niya.

16. Use DEDICATE in a sentence.
...Pag ginamitan ng glue, siguradong
DEDICATE iyan.

17. Use DELICACY in a sentence.
...Bagal mo... DELICACY mahuhuli na
tayo.

18. Use DEPRECIATE in a sentence.
...Sister, DEPRECIATE already, kaya
pwede na tayong kumain.

19. Use DIFFUSION in a sentence.
...Brownout...siguradong DIFFUSION
pumutok.

20. Use LAITY in a sentence.
...Taga "laity" si Imelda Marcos.

21. Use MENTION in a sentence.
...Ang laki ng bahay nila, parang
MENTION.

22. Use ebonic word MOTHA' FUCKA' in a
sentece.
...Iho mag-ingat, ka baka MOTHA' FUCKA'

best way ng birth control

obi-wan wrote:

best way ng birth control

obi-wan wrote:

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Araykupo...

the girlfriend texted her boyfriend..



"mahal pumunta ka sa bahay, walang tao"


nagmamadaling umalis ang boyfriend nia,
pagdatingsa bahay ng girfriend nia,


katok xa ng katok,,



wala ngang tao! hehe

LoL!